Applying this definition to Eric Erikson's use of the term ritual in the psychological development of pre-school children, we can understand and appreciate why this term was chosen.  The playing of role games (observable reality) enhances the development  (invisible experiences) of social cooperative skill, which become visible as a result of this unseen development. 

Couple:    What then is the observable reality and the invisible experience in the city hall ritual?

Minister:   The consent of the couple as well as the marriage license are part of the observable reality of the invisible experience of human love.      

Couple:    This is also what is involved in the Church ritual.  We will both give our consent and receive a marriage license attesting to the invisible experience of human love.  The question still remains.  Why get married in the Church?

Minister:   Recall what I said earlier.  The ritual involved at city hall makes no claim to the sacramentality of the marriage ritual.

Couple:    What do you mean by sacramentality?

Minister:   Sacrament means sign or symbol.  Kenan Osborne in his book Sacramental Theology, A General Introduction defines a sacrament as a

              visible sign, a perceptible symbol of something invisible and sacred.  The invisible sacred reality to which the sign bears witness is grace.[5]

 Notice that there are two distinguishing features in the above definition: sacred symbol and grace.  St. Augustine (430 AD) was one of the first Church theologians to reflect and give a theoretical account of the Church's experience of sacramental life.  His definition of sacrament (a visible sign of invisible grace) in no way contradicts our current understanding of sacrament.       

Couple:    What are sacred symbol and grace?  How do both relate to Church marriage?

Minister:   A symbol or sign (observable reality representing something invisible) is sacred because it bears witness to the transcendent.

                   Our meeting with God is veiled.[6]

                  God is not a reality that can be detected by our five senses.  Therefore a symbol or sign is needed to make present His reality.  In the marriage ceremony the sign or symbol is expressed in the couple's consent of enduring commitment.  It is a sacred sign or symbol because it is a     

              reminder of Christ's love, an effective means by which He acts to make human love capable of being lasting, faithful, fruitful like His own love of the Church.[7]

                    Grace in the New Testament means the generosity by which God gives us new life.  Modern theologians speak of grace in terms of relationship.  In our relationship with God we always receive gifts we do not earn, but which we gratefully accept.  It is true that God is already related to us prior to receiving the sacrament.  But the sacrament causes an intensification of this relationship.  This intensification of relationship, which begins by being actualized in the Church's marriage ritual (and continues with the couple's cooperation) demonstrates itself through time with love that is enduring, faithful and fruitful.  In other words, it shows forth God's presence and generosity.  St. Augustine, in the fifth century, expressed this in a different way.  The goods (grace) of marriage are sacramentum (lasting and enduring love, like the love of Christ for His Church), fidelity (faithfulness) and offspring (fruitful).

Couple:    This sign, symbol, visible and invisible reality seems too esoteric for our understanding.

Minister:   It probably is, if you cannot see that sign, symbol, visible and invisible reality or experience is in operation with common everyday experiences.  Both of you are holding each other's hand.  Holding hands is not love itself.  The reality of love is unseen and can only manifest itself through such sings as holding hands, hugging and kissing.  This brings us to another very important aspect of signs and symbols.  They are not all arbitrary.  Just as human love can be expressed only through certain concrete signs (punching you fiancé is not a sign of love), so too sacraments or sacred signs are also not arbitrary, but are rooted in God's own revelation.  In other words,

              The rituals of word and action are by God's design.  He determined that the reality of His presence will be manifest only in and through the sign or sacrament on these given occasions.[8]

Couple:    The analogy of love makes the sacramental component of marriage understandable.  Yet, during our studies in university we both came across an article that stated marriage was declared one of the seven sacraments by the Church in the twelfth century.  Therefore marriage was not a sacrament until this period in history.

Minister:   It is indeed true that the Church declared marriage as one of the seven Church sacraments in the twelfth century.  The Lateran Council (1193) declared the wedding ceremony not merely a civil ceremony, but a sacrament.  This Church teaching was further solidified by the Council of Florence in 1439 and by the Council of Trent in 1563.  Trent also formally defined a sacrament as 'an outward sign instituted by Christ to give grace'.  The Second Vatican Council (1965) in its document "Gaudium et Spes" refers to the sacrament of marriage as a covenant relationship

              The intimate partnership of married life and love has been established by the creator and qualified by His laws.  It is rooted in the conjugal covenant of irrevocable personal consent.[9]

              Recall what was said earlier regarding St. Augustine's theoretical account of the Church's experience of sacramental life.  An analogy might help here.  The ancient Greeks began the study of the nature of light.  Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein and others continued to further elaborate on this reality called light, but even today we are unsure of its precise nature.  As Thomas Dubay points out in his book Faith and Certitude

              The inability of scientists to compose the wave and quanta characteristics of light is no argument against the existence of light or its well-established characteristics.[10]

Similarly, the fact that the Church formally declared marriage as a sacrament in the twelfth century is not proof that the reality of marriage was not in some way sacramental prior to this formal pronouncement.  Evidence for marriage as sacrament can be found rooted in sacred scripture, long before the church had developed both the definition of sacrament and established marriage as one of the seven sacred signs.  For example, in the Old Testament evidence favoring the sacramental nature of marriage can be found in Gen1:27-28 and Gen2:20-24.  In Mal2:10-16 marriage is seen as a covenant, one which was compared to the covenant established by God with Israel.  In the New Testament St. Paul, in his Epistle to the Ephesians (Eph5:21-32) uses the term mystery, which in Greek is mysterion and refers to the hidden plan of God.  Therefore what St, Paul says of marriage is part of this divine plan.

The union of Christ and His Church is so intimate as to find no more apt comparison than the relation of husband to wife.[11]

In summary then, long before the Church defined a sacrament and formally confirmed and intellectually articulated marriage as a sacred sign or symbol, it had already been living the sacrament.

Couple:    For whom is marriage a sign or symbol of the unity of Christ and His Church?

Minister:   Marriage is a sign or symbol of the unity of Christ and His Church only for the Christian   community.

Couple:    What you are saying is that the Christian community, by their act of believing establishes the significance of the sign or symbol.

Minister:   Our believing it to be this way does not establish that it is this way.  The objective reality obtained by revelation (through scripture, tradition and current magisterial teaching) precedes our subjective affirmation.  When we say that marriage is a sign or symbol of Jesus' love for the Church and is only meant for Christians, this simply means that only Christians themselves can perceive it, since they alone are aware or sensitized to this reality.  This in no way implies that others will never be able to 'see' what we as Christians 'see'.

Couple:    An analogy would be helpful here.

Minister:   For whom is chemistry an understandable subject?

Couple:    Chemistry is understandable only to the 'eye' which is aware of the chemical nature of matter.

Minister:   What you have stated is true.  It is worth pointing out that the chemist as a subject does not 'make' the reality of matter he is studying by his believing alone.  There is a reality that exists independent of the mind.

Couple:    Could you encapsulate what is therefore means to be married in the Church?

Minister:  Marriage is a sacrament.  

                As a sacrament it is a faith celebration [accepting revelation as true] of specific words, actions and objects [signs, symbols - seen realities] chosen by Christ and the Church [the history of our faith has resulted in our recognizing marriage as a special way that God can come into our lives], which brings us a share in God's life [grace - the unseen reality].[12]

Couple:    If marriage brings us a share in God's life, why is it that many Christian Catholic marriages end in divorce and separation?  God brings unity not division.

Minister:   As already stated earlier, God's free gift of himself to the married couple is both revealed and deepened in the sacrament of marriage.  The sacrament works through the actions correctly executed with the intention of the Church.  The Council of Trent taught that the sacrament achieves its effect not because of the faith of the recipient and or the worthiness of the minister, but because of the power of Christ who acts within and through it.  The problem is not God.  The problem lies with us.  Our maturity or immaturity and our dispositions can influence the full effect of grace in our life.  Humans can set up obstacles such as fear, pride, greed and love of self.  In short sin is the obstacle, which can minimize the full effect of grace.

                   Your intelligent and honest questions, coupled with your desire to know truth are excellent means of preparation in achieving the full effect that grace will have on your marriage, when you both confer this sacrament on each other.

Bibliography

Endnotes